An imagined conversation with Ann Coulter

Derived from this excerpt from her latest book, which is reportedly selling in large numbers. Fortunately, she seems to have found some way to overcome that bad 'ol Liberal Media conspiracy that totally suppressed such works of conservative genius as John O'Neill's Unfit for Command.


Liberals love to boast that they are not “religious,” which is what one would expect to hear from the state-sanctioned religion.

Oh. Is it? Really? Are you sure?

Of course liberalism is a religion.

Well. I guess that settles that.

It has its own cosmology, its own miracles, its own beliefs in the supernatural, its own churches, its own high priests, its own saints, its own total worldview, and its own explanation of the existence of the universe. In other words, liberalism contains all the attributes of what is generally known as “religion.”

Heavens! How uniquely perfidious! I'm sure glad that no other political groups do anything like that!

Under the guise of not favoring religion, liberals favor one cosmology over another and demand total indoctrination into theirs.

Dang. I guess I missed out on the total-indoctrination camp. I guess it was held in secret underground caverns or something. Probably with neat lava lamps and black lights and a sex orgy or something. Dammit. I always miss out on the fun stuff.

The state religion of liberalism demands obeisance (to the National Organization for Women),...

Whereas you demand only obeisance to your black-clad, imperious self. Ooh, kinky! Do you make that bad boy beg for his falafels?

... tithing (to teachers’ unions),...

Oops. There's another bill I forgot to pay.

... reverence (for abortion),...

I guess I'm not a very good liberal. But I'm sure that's an isolated aberration.

... and formulaic imprecations (“Bush lied, kids died!” “Keep your laws off my body!” “Arms for hostages!”).

I really admire today's entry on your website: "In response to the arguments of my opponents, I say: Waaaaaaaaaah! Boo hoo hoo!.... Wait 'til you get a load of what I say about liberals in the rest of the book! You haven't seen the half of it. For snarling victims, my book is Christmas in July."

See? Clear and cogent refutation, not just formulaic imprecations. Not a single cliche or epithet to be found there, or in anyone except liberals. That's the way to go!

Everyone is taxed to support indoctrination into the state religion through the public schools, where innocent children are taught a specific belief system, rather than, say, math.

Oh, those perfidious liberals! Clearly we need a tax-funded faith-based-initiative to stop their evil plans to establish, uh, tax-funded... er, um....

Hey Ann, I gotta get back to work, but it's been fun. Catch ya later!