Thursday, August 31, 2006

Ick.

Piers Anthony's sexual obsessions seem to just get more and more distasteful. From his August newsletter:
I mentioned starting to write Xanth #32, Two to the Fifth. Naturally it's not as simple as a straight math pun. It moved well in the month of Jewel-Lye, especially considering it was part time work, and I wrote 44,600 words. There is a complicated mission for Cyrus Cyborg, the son of Roland Robot and Hannah Barbarian, who got together in Pet Peeve. The stork brought them a crossbreed with some assembly needed, and Cyrus was created adult. Remember the Three Princesses, Melody, Harmony, and Rhythm? They are now twelve years old, precocious girls eager to get into things the Adult Conspiracy forbids. Rhythm is assigned to help Cyrus on his mission, incognito; he knows her identity, but others don't. At one point she leads him to a pool in a glade and confesses that she has a crush on him and would like to marry him. ?But you're a child!? he protests, dismissing it. Uh-oh. Now she's a Girl Scorned. She is also a Sorceress. He really should have found a nicer way to set her straight; one simply does not safely dismiss a Sorceress of any age. She invokes a spell that makes her ten years older, for one hour, bursting out of her clothing, and stands before him a lusciously nude age 22. She grabs him, stuns him with a kiss, and hauls him into the pond with her. It is a love spring, by no coincidence. There follows an intense ellipsis; Cyrus doesn't have a chance. Then the spell runs out and she reverts to age 12. Cyrus is left passionately in love with a woman who won't exist for another decade. I did mention that it is unwise to dismiss a Sorceress? Rhythm's vengeance is complete. Then the stork arrives with a bundle for her. Did I mention why the Adult Conspiracy exists? Her parents will never understand. She's in one bleep of a picklement. This is just an incidental scene in the larger novel, though it does relate to the main theme. Their daughter will play a vital role in the conclusion.
Did I mention... Ick? No doubt he also throws in a reference to the "Rhythm Method."

1 comment:

Felix said...

Carlos @ 12:46PM | 2006-08-31| permalink

Wow, that brings back memories--I haven't read a Xanth novel since junior high, when there were only four or five installments in the series. The erotic element appealed to my pubescent brain, I have to admit, but I don't remember anything as perverted as what you cite. However, the puns were just as bad.

I remember another Anthony novel, not in the Xanth series, in which someone creates a female cyborg and has to inspect its body for structural flaws before sending it on its mission. There follows paragraphs and paragraphs of drooling anatomical description. He's a horny one.

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Steven @ 1:26PM | 2006-09-07| permalink

I'm with carlos, I stopped reading Anthony in Jr. High after the Incarnations of Immortailty series got worse and worse.

I unfortunately read "On a Pale Horse" first and still think it's his best book, which isn't saying a whole lot.