Upcoming primary in Michigan

Yup, that time of year is approaching. And although it's still early in the political season, I checked to see who's on the various parties' ballots. It turns out that I'm "represented" -- if that's the word for it -- by Chris Ward, a generic Republican fratboy who regards his perch in the safe, mechanically-lockstepping Republican suburbs with calm complacency. Oh, and what does he stand for? Here's what longtime political reporter Jack Lessenberry has to say:

Michigan had a law for years saying that you couldn’t order a bottle of wine from a winery in, say, Napa Valley. The middlemen and their lobbyists were behind that.

Outraged, some wine connoisseurs took that all the way to the U.S. Supreme Court, which ruled that Michigan couldn’t discriminate that way. Good old Chris gallantly stepped into the breach — and introduced a bill that would have prevented you and me from buying a bottle of wine from a Michigan winery! That is, not without going through a wholesaler first.

One guess who the major funding source of his last campaign was: The Michigan Beer and Wine Wholesalers Association. Naturally, Ward didn’t mention that at the time; he actually said he was doing it to spare the health of Michigan’s children, who presumably were about to order a single bottle of Lake Leelanau Riesling and then kill their siblings with shards of glass from the bottle.

Conservationists aren't impressed with him, either. He seems to have directed some attention to drug costs, but I can't tell from that article exactly what he proposed. And he wants to require photo ID's at the voting booth, at least in areas where the majority doesn't vote Republican. And of course, the lobbyists for the Chamber of Commerce set love him.

The likely Democratic nominee? Well, he has a free Blogger website. I wish him well in his race against Chris "BeerBoy" Ward, and I'll probably vote for him. He and his "Communications Guru" do seem to have a sense of humor, a rare thing in politics. A few snippets:

We decided to make the [campaign] announcement at the Brighton Mill Pond. It was initially going to be given to the ducks, but Joe Carney said that they don’t vote and they’re anti-gun...

I worked in law enforcement as a State Parole officer in the ghettoes of Cleveland. I carried a gun; I had a gun pointed at me. I arrested people, investigated crimes. I learned first hand the devastation of crime and poverty on a community. I developed an understanding of the rule of law. I realized that in the final analysis our freedom is nothing more then the adherence to technicalities. This candidate will not have to be brought up to speed on issues of law and order.

McGonegal has a tough task ahead of him, given the number of rural and suburban voters who are happy to unthinkingly assume that anyone who isn't a Republican is a black left-handed non-English-speaking communist terrorist homosexual servant of Satan.

For Governor? Well, there I get a choice between a former beauty queen from Canada and Mr. Amway. I may not know much about their officially-codified economic policies, but I know which one looks better on television, and I know which one got his fortune from a cultlike, barely-legal pyramid scheme with shady political connections.